Relationship Goals

The 5 Best Ways To Attain Your Relationship Goals

Here at The Emotional Center, we look at relationships through a vibrational lens.

It’s a unique, fresh perspective, and it opens all kinds of  transformational doors that may otherwise be closed.

Do you want real, lasting change in any relationship?

Then we suggest that you use your vibrational lens to raise your vibration.

Here’s the reader’s digest version of how the vibration lens works. The powerful tool we use the most is The Emotional Scale, which shows us what the nature of our energy is on any subject.

The Emotional Scale

We use The Emotional Scale to help us focus on our vibrational self. Then, instead of trying to manipulate the relationship itself, we can make subtle shifts in our own vibration to help us form the relationships we long for.

These principles apply to all kinds of relationships.

Whether you’re single or married, want better relationships in parenting your children, dealing with other family members, co-workers, or friends, you’ll be able to apply everything in this blog post to improve any relationship in your life.

I’ll show you how to use The Vibrational Lens to attain your relationship goals.

But first, let’s talk about the goals themselves.

Click on the links below to jump to that section:

How To Set Relationship Goals

Most people know when they want to improve a relationship but have never considered how to set relationship goals.

It’s important, because the goals themselves define how successful we can be in achieving them.

We set ourselves up for successful relationships when we have a better understanding of what “success” means.

(Sometimes, particularly in intimate relationships, it’s not easy to pinpoint what you want to make better. If you’re looking for inspiration, check out this list of goals for couples.  Many couples engage in couple’s counseling just to help navigate potential trouble-spots like dating, the marriage proposal, the wedding and beyond. Establishing some sound relationship goals as early as possible will help give your relationship focus and purpose, and then learning to use the vibrational lens will make achieving those goals a genuinely enjoyable journey.)

Broadly speaking, there’s two ways of looking at your relationship goals: you can “do” better (short term changes) or you can “be” better (long term changes.)

A combination of both is ideal!

Short Term Relationship Goals

You might feel that a relationship can be improved by setting concrete, short term relationship goals such as spending more time with someone, listening more, fighting less, or opening channels of communication.

Those kinds of concrete goals are often addressed in couple’s therapy, marriage counseling or family counseling, and are centered around “doing.” This will often involve strategies for changing behaviours.

Short term relationship goals that involve doing things differently can be effective IF  your deeper, long term relationship goals are in place and lined up with what you want.

Long Term Relationship Goals

Long term relationship goals form the bedrock of your relationships, because they have more to do with “being.” 

The long-term relationship goals speak to how you want to “be” in your relationships.

These kinds of goals are centered around your feelings. (At The Emotional Center, we go even deeper and say that long term relationship goals can be attained quickly and easily when shifts are made in your vibration.)

Creating Long Term Relationship Goals

Goals That Are Centered On "Being" Often Look Like This:


  • I want to make my spouse happy
  • I want to feel happier in my marriage or my relationship with …
  • I want to feel more satisfied in my sexual relationship with …
  • I want to be (more passionate, less angry, more forgiving, more assertive…)
  • I want to be more supportive and less judgemental …
  • I want to have closer relationships with (my family, my friends, my co-workers…)
  • I want a more loving relationship with …

All your relationship goals stand a much better chance of success if they are firmly grounded in shifting ways of being first and shifting behaviours second.

If you’re trying to make behavioural changes without shifting the underlying vibrations, it will be more difficult to attain your relationship goals.

In fact, when you make vibrational changes first, the changes in the surface level of behaviours and “doing” will happen almost naturally and organically, without a lot of effort.

For myself, my own relationship goals are always framed within a much larger personal goal, which is to keep my vibration expanding and rising, and to keep my energy flowing.

I call it my“grand plan.” Under that big and beautiful goal, my relationship goals line up nicely.

So! Have you formed your goals to reflect the relationship changes you want the most?

The 5 Best Ways To Attain Your Relationship Goals

#1. Keep your focus on you.

Recognize that real and lasting change in any relationship comes when you focus on you and your own being. We can’t change others.

Trust me on this, I’ve tried many times to change other people.😊 Achieving your relationship goals will be so much easier when you know, deep in your bones, that you can’t change the words, thoughts, feelings or behaviours of others.

All your power to change your relationships comes from changes you make within yourself.

Put simply, your relationships are anchored by vibration, and only you can raise your vibration.

Emotional Intelligence definitions may vary, but from our perspective here at The Emotional Center, this is the true essence of emotional intelligence: Understand that you are in charge of your own feelings and vibrations and use your vibrational lens to see clearly where you are and the shifts you want to make.

All your relationship experiences flow from your own underlying vibrations.

The powerful perspective brought into focus through the vibrational lens isn’t limited to personal relationships.

 Forward-thinking professional and corporate communities are doing something similar, but using different language.

Mindfulness (knowing your emotions) and emotional intelligence (the ability to shift your own emotions) enhances workplace relationships and leadership:

“…the mechanism behind mindfulness is the improvement of broader emotional intelligence competencies, leaders can more intentionally work on all of the areas that will have the strongest impact on their leadership.”

I lived the first half of my life waiting for others to change so that I could feel better in my relationships with them.

This was true for all my relationships, both personal and professional. I had no idea that the quality of my relationships was rooted in my own vibrations.

The Vibrational Lens offers a powerful perspective, because once I learned how, I could always do something about my own vibrations.

#2. Use your vibrational lens to focus away from thinking and towards feeling.

During the part of my life that I was waiting and hoping for others to change, I was telling myself all kinds of stories about my relationships. It seemed normal to me.

I didn’t know that my stories were blocking the changes that I longed for.

I didn’t realize that I needed to make a radical shift in focus, away from stories and towards feelings.

Have you ever experienced a pure feeling within you, without a story about it?

When you aren’t focused on your story about your relationship, vibrational changes can happen quickly and easily. Instead of your focus being hijacked by your thoughts, your focus is free to shine your light of awareness on pure feelings and the vibrations underneath them.

With the relationship you want to improve in mind, consult your emotional scale. Preferably, have a hard copy to look at, and find a feeling word that best describes YOU and how you feel about the relationship.

Any feeling that you identify is your gateway into the underlying vibration.

Don’t worry about getting it right or wrong. When you’re using the vibrational lens to see into the essence of your being around a certain relationship, choose only one word from the emotional scale that best describes your current state.

It helps to have a single word to focus on, and here’s why:

When vibrations shift, they don’t recognize the labels we’ve given them – those artificial boundaries don’t really mean anything at the level of vibration.

However! Labels are a necessary part of the process to help focus our minds, because we want to direct our focus away from our thoughts and stories, and towards our feelings and vibrations.

The thoughts and stories that you have about a relationship, whether they’re true or not, will keep the vibrations from shifting and thus make real, lasting change more difficult. Finding and using a single word helps train your mind away from thinking the same old thoughts that hold old energies in place.

(FREE) 5 Day Emotional Habit Builder Audio Series

Discover where you’re currently at vibrationally and how your energy and emotions affect your daily manifestations.

#3. Accept your feelings.

Sounds easy, right?

Most of us feel that we already are in touch with our feelings. However, there’s a big difference between knowing what you’re feeling, and allowing and accepting those feelings, particularly if they are feelings that we’re trying to change.

Here we come face-to-face with one of the most profoundly paradoxical truths about feelings and the vibrational energy that underpins them: they flow and shift and change when we accept them just the way they are, as if they may never change. To trigger change, we must deeply accept that change may never happen.

Are you feeling dissatisfied with the sex you have with your romantic partner?

Can you focus in on the feeling of dissatisfaction (divorced from the story that it’s wrapped up in) and accept it completely, as if it may never change?

It’s possible to soften into a very accepting and allowing place from ANY vibration. Even the most uncomfortable of feelings such as anxiety or anger can be softened into changing.

Most of what we teach at The Emotional Center is about developing this very soft but powerfully transformational vibration called “Allowing and Accepting.”

Make as much room as you can for all your feelings.

(“Managing Emotions” is always listed as one of the things that emotionally intelligent people do, but HOW to manage them is often misunderstood. The best way to manage is to accept.)

#4. Accept the other person as deeply as possible.

This can be challenging, particularly if the relationship you’re trying to improve is with a person whose words or behaviour are not to your liking.

First, allow and accept your own feelings. From that soft and peaceful place, turn your focus to the other person, and soften as much as you can to make room for the very words or behaviours that trouble you.

Happinesss and relationship goals

You aren’t surrendering or compromising or letting yourself down.

Know that you’re working on the vibrational level first and know that changes on the surface of the relationship (where the troubling words and behaviours live) will happen much more easily once you’ve softened the energy beneath.

It’s similar to empathy, but you can go even deeper here, and acknowledge and accept the very “human-ness” of the other person and all that entails.

#5. Don’t speak or act until the energy has shifted.


Make your internal changes first, then make changes on the outside.

It’s a vibrational truth: when you make vibrational changes first (about being) the changes in the surface level of behaviours (about doing) will happen almost naturally and organically, without a lot of effort.

Over and over again, in my own life and in the lives of the people I teach, I see how easily the surface of reality changes when the vibration beneath has been shifted.

Even the tiniest of vibrational shifts result in real changes. At The Emotional Center we call these small vibrational shifts “microshifts” and we see amazing results every time.

I hope this blog post helps you make the relationship changes that are truly important in your life. The vibrational lens can enrich any relationship, and life-changing transformations are possible.


Relationship Goals and Emotional Intelligence Donna Wetterstrand

P.S.  Click here to grab The Emotional Scale if you haven’t done so yet and get yourself moving in the right direction.

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Discover where you’re currently at vibrationally and how your energy and emotions affect your daily manifestations.

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